Prepare kids for leaving home "This too, shall pass" is an adage often used when one is faced with a difficult situation, but, seemingly, it does not apply in the case of our children leaving home.
The lump in my throat certainly didn't pass when our two children took their first step toward school, and it's still there as my son embarks on his second year of college in another state. As the years go by, the lump does get smaller, but it's there: I could call it "the lump of separation anxiety that won't go away."
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Some years ago, a friend shared with me two pearls of wisdom that were passed on to her when her children were young: "You want to raise independent, critical-thinking young adults and create memorable moments in your children's lives."
These words have been kept near and dear as I raised my two children, Austin, 19, and McKenzii, 12.
We, as parents, may not ever be able to totally get rid of the separation anxiety, but we can certainly lessen it by knowing we have done the best job that we can in preparing our children to be adults.
We have to ask ourselves these questions now: Are we preparing our children to be competitive, productive, critical, independent young adults? Are we involved in their academic and social development as well as their spiritual growth?
Have we laid the groundwork for their academic success?
Each of our children has a divine purpose, and it is our duty and responsibility as parents to ensure that they attain wholesome goals. It is up to us to create good environments and lay a solid foundation for their emotional and social maturity.
Of course, it takes time, commitment, sacrificing, planning and involvement, but research indicates parental support yields a crop of highly productive children. Make it your responsibility to identify those activities/programs beyond sports that contribute to your child's development, such as Student Council, service organizations and groups that help develop character or boost their education.
As your child embarks on the next phase of his or her life - college - look at this time of separation as essential to strengthening their integrity and character; a chance to recognize the importance of timeliness, the value of wholesome competition, and an opportunity to meet people of diverse backgrounds, ideals and cultures.
This is when the real test comes.
Are they ready? Will they be OK? Will they get to class on time? Will they know how to separate the white colors from the dark colors? The answer is YES! If not, they will learn a valuable lesson in quick fashion when that favorite blue T-shirt is now different shades of blue tinged with pink!
I have learned that our children know more than they let on. You'll be amazed at how much they remember from observing you for 18-plus years. That thing called "common sense" suddenly makes sense and kicks in. If not, in today's world of high-tech, they are just an E-mail and a cell call away from you or google.com for the answer.
This time apart can make you even closer. Your child will use this time to reflect and celebrate this newfound freedom, and also wonder how everyone is doing back home. You will be amazed at how much you appreciate each other.
Celebrate this time and watch the transformation begin. By year's end, you will see growth and maturity plus a new level of pride and joy.
Where once we held our child's hand in testing the shallow waters of a wading pool, then the deeper recesses of a large swimming pool, this trek toward college represents your child's launching into deep seas. Whether you have provided sound swimming instructions will determine if your child sinks, swims, or flows with the tide.
Cassandra Hughes Webster is the mother of two children: Her son Austin is a sophomore at Savannah College of Art & Design, Savannah, Ga. Her daughter McKenzii is a seventh-grader at Memphis Academy of Science & Engineering.
Originally published in the Commercial Appeal, August 24, 2003.
